Sattui sanotuksi

"Tuli vastaan mies, jonka lukeneisuus oli niin vähäinen, että hänen täytyi itse keksiä omat klassikkositaattinsa." - Stansilaw Jerzy Lec, Vastakarvaan. Siistimättömiä mietelmiä. Suom. Tuomas Anhava.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers. - Leonard Brandwein.

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. - Pablo Picasso.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. - Rich Cook.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. - Paul Ehrlich.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity. - Dennis Ritchie.

Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A man is as young as the woman he feels.
( - feels - kopeloi)

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Hello, I must be going.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

How do you feel about women's rights ? I like either side of them.
( - Right / left)

Humor is reason gone mad.

I am a Marxist - of the Groucho tendency.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
( - Groucho ei päässyt jäseneksi klubiin Los Angelesissa, koska hän oli juutalainen. L.A. oli ja luultavasti edelleen on kuuluisa juutalaisvastaisuudestaan.)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Mrs. Teasdale: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.

Mustard's no good without roast beef.

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

Remember, men, you are fighting for the lady’s honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill.

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
( - Aika lentää - hedelmäkärpäset...)

Time wounds all heels.
( - Heel - hölmö tai likaisen työn tekijä gangsteriporukassa ; time heals all wounds)

To Margret Dumont: I can see you and I married. I can see you bending over the stove. I can't see the stove!

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Women should be obscene and not heard.


Mae West (1892-1980)

A hard man is good to find.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.

I believe in censorship. After all, I made a fortune out of it.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Is that a gun in you're pocket or are you just glad to see me?

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.

It's not the men in my life that counts - it's the life in my men.

I've been in more laps than a napkin.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.

To err is human, but it feels divine.

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.

When I'm good, I'm good. When I'm bad, I'm very good.

Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.

W. C. Fields (1880-1946)

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

An ideal start for matrimony would be to have a drunken rabbi perform a Catholic ceremony in an Episcopalian church. Then it could be declared illegal in the courts.

Any man who hates dogs and loves whiskey can't be all bad.

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

Fish fuck in it. (When asked why he never drank water)

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I admit I scanned it once, searching for some movie plots... but found only a pack of wild lies. (Fields, on reading the bible)

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake—which I also keep handy.
(Stimul

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
( - sähkötuoli, Sing Sing)

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.

I exercise extreme self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast

I never drank anything stronger than beer, before I was twelve

In marriage a man must give up many of his old and pleasant habits, even if it means giving up the woman he married.

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Marriage is a two-way proposition, but never let the woman know she is one of the ways.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

Never give a sucker an even break.
( - Älä ikinä päästä tyhmää tasaiselle.)

Never trust your wife behind your back, even if she claims she only wants to wash or scratch it.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
(Weasel - roisto, sika.)

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.

'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.


Katso myös Haapio, Markku - Parkkinen, Jukka: Päässä tuulee ja ajatuksia sataa (1992) - erityisen ansiokas runsaiden Aku Ankka -sitaattien vuoksi (Barks). Seis ja kiinni! - Kapteeni torkkuu.

Oma kontribuutio
Nix Nix 1506

Lähde sarjakuva "Pekka Pikanen". - Kukaan ei tiedä, mitä se tarkoittaa. Aluteos (Smokey Stover) ei ollut paljon ilmaisevampi - "Notary Zojac".